right now, as im listening to my heart, it’s telling me that it’s getting restless as time goes by. it doesnt want me to leave; it urges me to stay put among the comfort of family and friends. the heart refuses to adhere to the compulsion that has been imposed on me. now why does this heart always react this way, when it knows pretty well that nothing much can be done to alter the situation? i have no choice but to go. can’t the heart just fathom this? it’s less than 2 weeks only, and once i set foot out from this house, i know the heart will accept it gradually..

Coelho, in reality, we live on this world together with laws, sanctions and rewards. that we can’t please everyone applies to everyone else too. THAT’S the language of the world. with that language shall we pursue our personal legends which eventually is determined by the Soul of the World.  only when we understand that language can we achieve true happiness in tranquility.

banyaklah aku nyer falsafah… barang masih lum habis pack… -_____-

reading the entries on the page that was displayed, i felt an unfathomable feeling going through inside me. dun ask me what it is, it’s unfathomable.. i was kinda happy to get to know about the happenings that was experienced, be it in school or private life.. we have not been in touch lately as our schedules don’t allow us to do sos, and i understand that the other party has her own commitments.. every now and then, we do chat up to say hi and share bits and pieces of info pertaining to our life.. i am happy that she’s happy with all the wonderful company in school =) but, the feeling inside isn’t just “happy”.. well perhaps, there’s a part of me that yearns for times that we used to be really close with each other.. times where we spent listening to each other’s problems, teasing one another, or just spend the time together doing nothing, in each other’s company.. that is just my heartfelt expression.. matters of the heart are always hard to understand, so to whoever is reading this, do not, i warn you, DO NOT try to make any conclusion out of it. chances are, you purely making an assumption, period. heh.

oh wells, having said so, on the brighter side, i do hope it will get fulfilled. im smiling, im for positivism in life! and one thing for the record, that tranquil effect doesn’t wear off.. hurhurhur -____-

berzaman dah aku tinggalkan teratak qalbuku di alam maya ini.. dah penuh berhabuk dan bersarang labah2 dah sampai mungkin orang pun tidak lagi sudi hendak membacanya lagi (pasal dah takde apa2 lagi yg nak dibaca! huhu..)

semester sudah bermula minggu lepas, dan memandangkan ianya hanyalah minggu yg pertama, tiada banyak yg akan dibicarakan di dalam kelas, makanya aku telah pergi melancong ke Bandung bersama teman2 Hyrulites selama 5 hari. gosh, 5 days is too long man! the great company kept me sane, that’s about it.. not much places of interests to go to, oh wells perhaps there are but we only had the van for the first two days.. other than that we hafta walk.. to make things worse, i had stomach upset on the 2nd day.. killed the mood there n then throughout.. to make things even worse, TIME WAS DAMN SLOW THERE!!!! we walked, we stopped at a stall, we looked through the stuff, we bargained, AND ONLY FREAKING 20 MINUTES PASSED!! goshh..

and this morning, time was back to normal – FAST N HECTIC.. i missed my first lecture due to fatigue, and woke up technically early for my 2nd one.. YET I WAS 40 MINUTES LATE FOR IT!! but now, im kinda free coz lecture’s over and im killing time while waiting for 7.30pm to come.. there wasnt anyone i know at central forum (GOSH!!) so i walked to YIH to go to the computer centre, thinking i would want to do a blog update there. AND IT WAS CLOSED!!! GOSH GOSH!!

so here i am now at computer centre at AS7, updating my blog and i thought it would be nice to just write down, and perhaps share with u guys out there about the lecture i attended just now.. here it goes:

Marx & Capitalism

- we don’t have an infinite array of choices, we just think we do
- history is transmitted to us, it’s just quite impossible to run away from it
- e.g. a son of a noodle vendor, no matter how smart he is, will always face structural problems like societal differences in terms of opportunities, and the limitations of “possibilities”.

*capitalism as a mode of production*
- capitalist’s profit: difference in the value produced by the worker and what the worker receives to sustain life a.k.a wages
- the product of the workers doesn’t belong to the workers but the capitalist (alienation of product)

[simple explanation]
- worker produces 20 pairs of NIKE shoes
- 20 shoes belong to the capitalist
- capitalist sells 20 shoes to Market
- capitalist only pays “2 shoes worth” to worker, to ensure worker can wake up the next day to continue working
- this leads to surplus value/source of profit
*** note that, source of profit doesn’t come from the Market, Market only realises the situation; source of profit originates from the relationship between capitalists and workers (exploitation of workers)

- proletarianisation: where peasants turn into workers (proletariats)
- creation of a “free” wage labour for factories
- “free” in terms of freedom from the landlords, but in actual fact, the peasants are still much tied to the wage relations to the capitalists
- proletariats are the most oppressed under capitalism, hence most likely the ones to overthrow it
- suggestion by Marx: socialism / classless society – having common control over means

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oh wells, 20 minutes have past.. hmmm, oklah tu kan.. im off for now, sama2 kita renung2kan tentang perkara yg dikemukakan.. wabillahi taufiq wal hidayah.. wassalamu’alaikum warahmatullah..

lemah. letih. penat. tak larat. tak kuasa. MALAS.

tanpa aku sedari, begitu hebat keadaan telah merubah diriku ini. dalam erti kata yang menyeluruh, keadaan telah merubah “attitdue” aku terhadap keadaan sekeliling. diri ini kian tiada rasa “tindak balas” terhadap apa yg berlaku. apa yg nak terjadi, biarkanlah. apa yg berlaku, aku peduli apa! aku tidak benarkan sebarang kejadian menjejas diriku. kerana diri pernah bersua muka dengan kekecewaan, kerana diri pernah berani meletakkan harapan, kerana diri pernah berangankan kebahagiaan. puas sudah diri ini menjelajahi dalam pencarian.

circumstances made me cold inside. that doesnt mean im cold-hearted. i can be a nice person, who can go all out for those i care and treasure. that’s me, for those who know. but, i have to think about myself too. i shall not let anything hurt me and my feelings. im not being selfish, i just dun want to be mean. circumstances made me cold inside, too cold till i felt numb. i finally understand what kak lin meant. i finally understand what my friend has experienced. this is it. =)

kuingatkan diriku sendiri, jika hendak memberi, biarlah dengan seikhlas hati, hanya kerana Illahi. pintaku padaMu ya Rabbi, cekalkan hati ini, agar aku terus berada di atas jalan yg kau redhai. Amin.

Every possession and every happiness is but lent by chance for an uncertain time, and may therefore be demanded back the next hour. ~Arthur Schopenhauer

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peristiwa semalam kujadikan sandaran bagi menempuh perjalanan hari ini dan pengembaraan di masa hadapan. bukankah pengalaman seharusnya membawa kematangan, bukankah ia juga seharusnya memberi pengajaran? bertitik tolak dari kesedaran itu, ingin kujadikan hari ini lebih baik dari semalam, hari esok jauh lebih baik lagi. wahai hati yang diwarnai rona kasih dan sayang, berwaspadalah agar tidak terjerat buat kali kedua. ajaklah keikhlasan agar duduk bersama. bawalah keredhaan sebagai santapan jiwa. apa jua perkembangan dan kesudahan, jalan cerita ini akan tetap menjadi lakaran indah dalam lembaran hidupku.. hidup sang Hazara..

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mengapa begitu hebat gambaran yg dipaparkan mengenai cinta.. jika benar ia lahir secara fitrah, mengapa ia wujud dalam keadaan yang amat getir, menyebabkan seseorang itu menggenggam bara api, serahkan jiwa dan raga, korbankan segalanya.. jawapan yang dapat dihidangkan dari sudut pandangan “pemantau masyarakat” ialah kebangkitan ideologi “romantic love” yang menghuraikan cinta itu sebagai merangkumi elemen komitmen, pengorbanan dan kemaafan.

komitmen – menumpukan perhatian 24 jam terhadap hubungan, memusatkan kehidupan individu terhadap perkembangannya.

pengorbanan – maka, segala aktiviti di luar hubungan itu tidak lagi menjadi prioriti utama, dan jika aral melintang dan keputusan perlu diambil, hubungan tersebut tidak akan digadaikan.

kemaafan – andaikata, komitmen dan pengorbanan tidak dilaksanakan dengan baik, masih tetap ada ruang untuk memperbaiki keadaan itu. (contoh, matair tidak menelefon selama 10 hari, tetapi pada hari ke-11 si dia menelefon anda, anda akan terus memaafkannya.)

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meskipun cinta lahir secara fitrah, yang menentukan bahawa ianya suci atau sebaliknya ialah Qalbu itu sendiri. Qalbu yang ikhlas mencintai, yang ikhlas memahami, yang ikhlas mengerti dan mengasihi, pasti akan menjana kebaikan dalam sesebuah hubungan itu. seorang teman berkongsi, “lumrah manusia ingin mencintai atau dicintai.” yang lebih kritikal ialah agar tidak dikuasai keinginan itu. Qalbu harus waras mengendalikan keinginan tersebut agar ia tidak alpa bahawa, ia harus juga mempunyai ruang untuk cinta pada keluarga, cinta pada teman, cinta pada alam dan cinta pada Tuhan.

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Ada masa masa
Bukan dengan mata
Nak menilai rupa
Mana cantik, molek dan manis
Tetapi itu kerja hati
Melihat dari pekerti

Jangan kunci
Pintu hati
Lepas pandang
Sebalik diri
Bila indah telah pudar
Atas apa kita berdiri
(Ada Masa Mata – Siti Nurhaliza)

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this poem is sungguh touching laaa.. in light of the touching ending in Slumdog Millionaire.. hehehe =)

nonetheless.. senyum-senyum selalu =)

Every relationship has a cycle.

In the beginning, you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love isn’t hard. In fact, it is a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You don’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept off my feet.” Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU. Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfilment. Extramarital fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And mos importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner). Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know and apply these laws, the results are predictable. Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is upto you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO!!

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While you readers out there try to fathom the abovementioned, enjoy this fantabulous piece. I was swept off my feet.

**thanks Faatihah and Fahmi-teh**

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PERTANDINGAN PIDATO ANTARABANGSA BAHASA MELAYU 2009
(PABM)

Alhamdulillah, syukur ke hadrat Illahi kerana aku telah selamat melalui  pertandingan ini. Pertama-tama sekali, aku berterima kasih kepada Haekal dan Dr Azhar kerana telah meletakkan aku di dalam haluan yang mendorong aku ke arah pertandingan ini. Tidak dapat kukatakan apa melainkan ungkapan tulus ikhlas penghargaan buat kalian kerana pengalaman ini cukup berharga buatku. Persahabatan terjalin antara peserta2 dari pelbagai negara seantero dunia, di mana aku boleh bebual melayu sepenuhnya dengan mereka, dan mereka akan memahami tanpa kesukaran! MasyaAllah, hebat kan! Tak kira, peserta dari China, Afghanistan, Romania, Mesir, Russia, Jepun, Albania, Cambodia, Armenia, Ukraine dan sebagainya, semua boleh bertutur dalam bahasa Melayu / Indonesia, yang masih juga bisa dimengerti! haha..

Tapi yang lebih hebat ialah, persahabatan serta keakraban yang dibina bersama teman2 dari nusantara – [Malaysia] Izzat & Syamsul; [Brunei] Kam & Nisa; [Thailand] Yasmeen & Hisham; [Indonesia] Ita & Hafsah; dan tidak lupa juga.. pada kak long ku  EMELDA!!! bukan sekadar peserta sahaja, teman2 pada peserta pun turut dijadikan kawan seperti Zarul =) Pada mulanya, sepatah bicara dibalas sepatah jua. Biasalah, masih ajnabi. Lama kelamaan, bila pengembaraan ditempuhi bersama, baru kemesraan mula menjelma.

Izzat memang seronok diajak berbual. Kawan Kedah ku yang pertama!! Terpengaruh jugak dgr dia bebual.. SHABBABBBB.. He’s definitely an eloquent, entertaining speaker!! kau nombor satu bagi aku!! betul betul betul..

PENGERANZZZZZ!!!! This guy ar gosh!!! buat aku pecah perut tak henti2.. with all the hand gestures, sudden singing, camwhoring.. pangkal dipupuk!! KAM, kau juga hebat!!! trip aku ke KL bertambah meriah dengan kehadiran kau!

ahhhh, ni dia kak long aku!! hahaha, meletup lah sangat dengan baju melayu ni kan =) she’s the life of my trip. andaikata dia takde dan aku seorang diri, pasti mendak.. thanks Mel!

lastly.. not forgetting, my own roomie Nicursor-Server-Cosmin-Florea.. jumpa lagi! pastilah! you know, i know but the public doesn’t know.. hahaha.. =)

tuah ayam pada sisiknya.. elok kain elok raginya.. pangkal dipupuk.. saya ingin tahu.. shabbbaabbb..

and im blogging this using the airport internet booth.. first time lah sey!! hehehe.. this is my first time going on a “holiday” with someone i just got to know.. she’s emelda from NIE, a very bubbly girl.. certainly looking forward to the trip and the stay there =)

Oh yes.. on the second nite, we’ll be having a dinner function with the m’sian astronaut, muzaffar!! time to check.. chocolate or strawberry.. YAK ALA….

ok till then, wish me all the best and doa2kan ye!!

Wassalam,
ZURAIMI =)