when weirdness prevails..

it’s 1 in the morning, and my pergas examination will commence in 8 hours time. what a weird timing to start writing again in this humble space of mine on the worldwide web. revision isn’t completed, yet here i am blogging my thoughts away. just go back to your revision lah, people may say but i just hafta write something here. the urge is there suddenly. immediately after i visited my fren’s blog, surprised that she has been updating. -___- i’ve lost touch with the virtual writing realm hence justifying that reaction.

reading the entries on the page that was displayed, i felt an unfathomable feeling going through inside me. dun ask me what it is, it’s unfathomable.. i was kinda happy to get to know about the happenings that was experienced, be it in school or private life.. we have not been in touch lately as our schedules don’t allow us to do sos, and i understand that the other party has her own commitments.. every now and then, we do chat up to say hi and share bits and pieces of info pertaining to our life.. i am happy that she’s happy with all the wonderful company in school =) but, the feeling inside isn’t just “happy”.. well perhaps, there’s a part of me that yearns for times that we used to be really close with each other.. times where we spent listening to each other’s problems, teasing one another, or just spend the time together doing nothing, in each other’s company.. that is just my heartfelt expression.. matters of the heart are always hard to understand, so to whoever is reading this, do not, i warn you, DO NOT try to make any conclusion out of it. chances are, you purely making an assumption, period. heh.

oh wells, having said so, on the brighter side, i do hope it will get fulfilled. im smiling, im for positivism in life! and one thing for the record, that tranquil effect doesn’t wear off.. hurhurhur -____-

thinking im still in Bandung

assalamu’alaikum..

berzaman dah aku tinggalkan teratak qalbuku di alam maya ini.. dah penuh berhabuk dan bersarang labah2 dah sampai mungkin orang pun tidak lagi sudi hendak membacanya lagi (pasal dah takde apa2 lagi yg nak dibaca! huhu..)

semester sudah bermula minggu lepas, dan memandangkan ianya hanyalah minggu yg pertama, tiada banyak yg akan dibicarakan di dalam kelas, makanya aku telah pergi melancong ke Bandung bersama teman2 Hyrulites selama 5 hari. gosh, 5 days is too long man! the great company kept me sane, that’s about it.. not much places of interests to go to, oh wells perhaps there are but we only had the van for the first two days.. other than that we hafta walk.. to make things worse, i had stomach upset on the 2nd day.. killed the mood there n then throughout.. to make things even worse, TIME WAS DAMN SLOW THERE!!!! we walked, we stopped at a stall, we looked through the stuff, we bargained, AND ONLY FREAKING 20 MINUTES PASSED!! goshh..

and this morning, time was back to normal – FAST N HECTIC.. i missed my first lecture due to fatigue, and woke up technically early for my 2nd one.. YET I WAS 40 MINUTES LATE FOR IT!! but now, im kinda free coz lecture’s over and im killing time while waiting for 7.30pm to come.. there wasnt anyone i know at central forum (GOSH!!) so i walked to YIH to go to the computer centre, thinking i would want to do a blog update there. AND IT WAS CLOSED!!! GOSH GOSH!!

so here i am now at computer centre at AS7, updating my blog and i thought it would be nice to just write down, and perhaps share with u guys out there about the lecture i attended just now.. here it goes:

Marx & Capitalism

- we don’t have an infinite array of choices, we just think we do
- history is transmitted to us, it’s just quite impossible to run away from it
- e.g. a son of a noodle vendor, no matter how smart he is, will always face structural problems like societal differences in terms of opportunities, and the limitations of “possibilities”.

*capitalism as a mode of production*
- capitalist’s profit: difference in the value produced by the worker and what the worker receives to sustain life a.k.a wages
- the product of the workers doesn’t belong to the workers but the capitalist (alienation of product)

[simple explanation]
- worker produces 20 pairs of NIKE shoes
- 20 shoes belong to the capitalist
- capitalist sells 20 shoes to Market
- capitalist only pays “2 shoes worth” to worker, to ensure worker can wake up the next day to continue working
- this leads to surplus value/source of profit
*** note that, source of profit doesn’t come from the Market, Market only realises the situation; source of profit originates from the relationship between capitalists and workers (exploitation of workers)

- proletarianisation: where peasants turn into workers (proletariats)
- creation of a “free” wage labour for factories
- “free” in terms of freedom from the landlords, but in actual fact, the peasants are still much tied to the wage relations to the capitalists
- proletariats are the most oppressed under capitalism, hence most likely the ones to overthrow it
- suggestion by Marx: socialism / classless society – having common control over means

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oh wells, 20 minutes have past.. hmmm, oklah tu kan.. im off for now, sama2 kita renung2kan tentang perkara yg dikemukakan.. wabillahi taufiq wal hidayah.. wassalamu’alaikum warahmatullah..

Change..

awal mula kulafazkan bismillah..

lemah. letih. penat. tak larat. tak kuasa. MALAS.

tanpa aku sedari, begitu hebat keadaan telah merubah diriku ini. dalam erti kata yang menyeluruh, keadaan telah merubah “attitdue” aku terhadap keadaan sekeliling. diri ini kian tiada rasa “tindak balas” terhadap apa yg berlaku. apa yg nak terjadi, biarkanlah. apa yg berlaku, aku peduli apa! aku tidak benarkan sebarang kejadian menjejas diriku. kerana diri pernah bersua muka dengan kekecewaan, kerana diri pernah berani meletakkan harapan, kerana diri pernah berangankan kebahagiaan. puas sudah diri ini menjelajahi dalam pencarian.

circumstances made me cold inside. that doesnt mean im cold-hearted. i can be a nice person, who can go all out for those i care and treasure. that’s me, for those who know. but, i have to think about myself too. i shall not let anything hurt me and my feelings. im not being selfish, i just dun want to be mean. circumstances made me cold inside, too cold till i felt numb. i finally understand what kak lin meant. i finally understand what my friend has experienced. this is it. =)

kuingatkan diriku sendiri, jika hendak memberi, biarlah dengan seikhlas hati, hanya kerana Illahi. pintaku padaMu ya Rabbi, cekalkan hati ini, agar aku terus berada di atas jalan yg kau redhai. Amin.

Every possession and every happiness is but lent by chance for an uncertain time, and may therefore be demanded back the next hour. ~Arthur Schopenhauer

طائرة ورقية

Berdua bersama
Bergandingan mesra
Melontar layang-layang
Tinggi di angkasa
Kita menjaga arah haluan
Terhuyung-hayang tetap di landasan
Andai putus di hari muka
Biar kukejar mendapatkannya
Biar kulari ke hujung dunia
Demi kamu, seribu kali kurela..

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peristiwa semalam kujadikan sandaran bagi menempuh perjalanan hari ini dan pengembaraan di masa hadapan. bukankah pengalaman seharusnya membawa kematangan, bukankah ia juga seharusnya memberi pengajaran? bertitik tolak dari kesedaran itu, ingin kujadikan hari ini lebih baik dari semalam, hari esok jauh lebih baik lagi. wahai hati yang diwarnai rona kasih dan sayang, berwaspadalah agar tidak terjerat buat kali kedua. ajaklah keikhlasan agar duduk bersama. bawalah keredhaan sebagai santapan jiwa. apa jua perkembangan dan kesudahan, jalan cerita ini akan tetap menjadi lakaran indah dalam lembaran hidupku.. hidup sang Hazara..

apa artinya cinta?

cinta datang tanpa diundang.. hangatnya membakar mentari..
cinta ini hakikatnya.. aku serahkan jiwa dan ragaku.. menantimu walau sengsara..
demi cinta yang menyala.. kurela menggenggam bara api..
untukmu kukorbankan segalanya.. agar kau tiada curiga merintang kasih..

*****

mengapa begitu hebat gambaran yg dipaparkan mengenai cinta.. jika benar ia lahir secara fitrah, mengapa ia wujud dalam keadaan yang amat getir, menyebabkan seseorang itu menggenggam bara api, serahkan jiwa dan raga, korbankan segalanya.. jawapan yang dapat dihidangkan dari sudut pandangan “pemantau masyarakat” ialah kebangkitan ideologi “romantic love” yang menghuraikan cinta itu sebagai merangkumi elemen komitmen, pengorbanan dan kemaafan.

komitmen – menumpukan perhatian 24 jam terhadap hubungan, memusatkan kehidupan individu terhadap perkembangannya.

pengorbanan – maka, segala aktiviti di luar hubungan itu tidak lagi menjadi prioriti utama, dan jika aral melintang dan keputusan perlu diambil, hubungan tersebut tidak akan digadaikan.

kemaafan – andaikata, komitmen dan pengorbanan tidak dilaksanakan dengan baik, masih tetap ada ruang untuk memperbaiki keadaan itu. (contoh, matair tidak menelefon selama 10 hari, tetapi pada hari ke-11 si dia menelefon anda, anda akan terus memaafkannya.)

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meskipun cinta lahir secara fitrah, yang menentukan bahawa ianya suci atau sebaliknya ialah Qalbu itu sendiri. Qalbu yang ikhlas mencintai, yang ikhlas memahami, yang ikhlas mengerti dan mengasihi, pasti akan menjana kebaikan dalam sesebuah hubungan itu. seorang teman berkongsi, “lumrah manusia ingin mencintai atau dicintai.” yang lebih kritikal ialah agar tidak dikuasai keinginan itu. Qalbu harus waras mengendalikan keinginan tersebut agar ia tidak alpa bahawa, ia harus juga mempunyai ruang untuk cinta pada keluarga, cinta pada teman, cinta pada alam dan cinta pada Tuhan.

*****

Ada masa masa
Bukan dengan mata
Nak menilai rupa
Mana cantik, molek dan manis
Tetapi itu kerja hati
Melihat dari pekerti

Ada masa masa
Dari sisi sama
Masih tetap jua
Pandangan boleh berbeza
Asalkan saja dihati
Sudi cuba memahami

Ada masa mata
Ada sahaja
Ada yang tidaklah kena
Cerewet mencari sempurna
Terlupa apa berharga

Ada masa mata
Ada ketika
Tak terlihat cela
Kerana hati sudah suka
Seperti juga aku
Bila mengenali dirimu

Jangan kunci
Pintu hati
Lepas pandang
Sebalik diri
Bila indah telah pudar
Atas apa kita berdiri
(Ada Masa Mata – Siti Nurhaliza)